I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My dick has a subreddit
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
