could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
