Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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