If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
