ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
