you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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