I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
