Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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