my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
