Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
