Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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