I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
