My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
