We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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