Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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