I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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