She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
