I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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