i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
