U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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