the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
