my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I lost the right to judge tonight
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
