I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
