i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
