So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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