I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
