dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
