I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
