if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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