can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
