Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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