fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
