return my video game
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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