This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
