do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
