hotel room ftw
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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