Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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