the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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