If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
