The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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