note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
