i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I want her autograph on my taint
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
