Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
