when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
you're hired as official boob wrangler
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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