I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
