Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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