Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
