why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
