So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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