I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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