I will die if light touches me.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
