I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
