anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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